Difficult colleagues
By Jim Bright | smh.com.au | 18 April
Why are some people hard to work with? We've all probably been bloody-minded at some point in our working lives and a few of us have likely been downright impossible to deal with. For most of us, these lapses are temporary.
There are, however, some who cultivate obstinacy and derive enjoyment from being difficult. The problem may derive from the person's inability to control their own emotional responses or failure to read emotional signals from others. It is a matter of emotional intelligence - or lack thereof - and there are plenty of strategies available to assist both the individuals and those on the receiving end.
Ask yourself whether your colleague or staff member may be experiencing significant stress in the workplace or outside it. Don't immediately assume the person is just unpleasant.
People who are insecure are more likely to interpret your behaviour as a threat to their competence or credibility. This can be manifested in stand-offish behaviour and snappiness or, in more extreme cases, acts of aggression or verbal abuse. Some people may overcompensate for their feelings of inadequacy by trying to control the social situation with overbearing or attention-grabbing behaviour.
Perhaps the most common cause of difficult behaviour is miscommunication. In a busy and sometimes stressful working day, it is a miracle any clear communication occurs at all. Consider all the possible interpretations of their communication. What are the potentially positive interpretations?
In working with groups in organisations on this topic, I have identified seven different types of difficult people (or difficult behaviour).
The first type, the Aggressor, has three sub-types: the Tank, the Sniper and the Exploder. The Tank is an insensitive brute who simply drives through or over anything in their path. Sometimes it is best to let these types run out of fuel; at other times you need to interrupt sharply. The Sniper is the smiling assassin who delivers snide remarks in a pleasant manner and uses innuendo and rumour to demolish their target. You need to smoke these types out. Make them say precisely what they mean and don't buy into their rumour-mongering. The Exploder, like the Tank, can be left to run down. Save your energy for when things are calmer, or if you have to, get in with a neutral word like "stop".
The Whinger is one of life's victims. They don't like the food but complain about the small portions. They are not in the solutions business but insist that "something must be done about this". Never agree with a whinger. Acknowledge their concerns and ask what they would like to see done about it in precise concrete terms. Ask them to put it in writing.
The Silent type glares and stares. Sit them down and ask them what's wrong. If they don't open up, repeat the following day.
The Spaniel just wants to be loved and will agree to anything you ask and then fail hopelessly to deliver. You need to be nice to the Spaniel and make an effort to separate personal friendship from any deeper concerns they have about work. Make it clear they can express an opinion and still be your friend.
Nay-sayers like to look for exceptions or loopholes and will sit outside the group. Prepare a case using past evidence to highlight why your plans will work. Don't let them infect colleagues.
Know Alls may feel powerless or have a need to be recognised. Prepare a meticulous case, know your stuff, get them onside by accepting their analysis initially and then gently point out a scenario where "our" plan would not work. Oh dear, we need to change "our" plan a little, how can "we" do this?
The Ditherer is often stalled by stress or a lack of confidence. Make it comfortable for them to share their concerns, and address confidence issues through feedback and/or training.
First published by Smh.com.au on April 18 2008
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